S1 E21- Sexual Empowerment for the Busy Woman with Misty Smith
In this episode of "Women Behind the Millions," host Jessica Weaver welcomes guest Misty Smith, Certified Sex Therapist Licensed Professional Counselor along with Donna Cates, financial advisor and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. In this episode they delve into the complexities of sexuality, addressing societal attitudes, communication challenges, and the impact of divorce on one's sexual experiences. The conversation explores the emotional and practical aspects of divorce, highlighting the importance of valuing oneself and setting boundaries in relationships.
Highlights:
Misty shares her journey of self-discovery post-divorce, emphasizing the importance of taking the time to understand oneself before entering a new relationship.
The host and guests delve into the complexities of sexuality and the impact of societal attitudes and personal experiences on one's own feelings of shame or empowerment.
They discuss challenges and emotional intricacies of navigating divorce, co-parenting, and dating after long-term partnerships, particularly for women who face unique expectations and judgments.
They emphasize the significance of communication, self-advocacy, and seeking therapy to address emotional and sexual needs in order to break patterns and foster healthier relationships.
Contact Our Guest:
Links to Share: https://mbhwellnessclinic.com/
Guest's Email: mistysmithphd@mbhwellnessclinic.com
Transcript:
Jessica Weaver 0:01
Hello ladies Hello money Queens Welcome to women behind the millions. I am one of your hosts today Jessica Weaver. We also have Donna Cates with us one of our incredible advisors who focuses on women going through divorce. And we have a little bit of a sexy topic today with Misty Smith, who has her PhD. She's a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist. She owns and runs a multi practitioner group practice in Alabama. She has been in private practice for over 11 years now and is a practicing counselor for 23 years. She loves what she does so much up to this point she has gone through her own divorce, has two amazing children and is very grateful for all of her relationships that she has built. She loves to travel and find new adventures with her new man. So she is showing us that it doesn't matter if you go through a challenging time in your past that you can still have a very prosperous personal life who you show. So thank you so much Misty for being on here and for Donna to co host this episode of women behind the millions. All right, well let's let's dive in. This episode is going to be all about empowering not devaluing yourself we had, It's kind of fun to have this recording this episode today. We had an event with Misty last night going into women, our sex lives, and you could tell Misty and Donna, I don't know about you, women came there with a question on their mind. Something that they've been dealing with for months, years, I would even guess decades with some of the women. And it was so cool to have a space and for Misty, You to get everyone to feel that comfortable. That they are asking these questions in front of some strangers, some people they don't even know. It was amazing.
Misty Smith 2:07
I was impressed. It was amazing at the questions they asked.
Jessica Weaver 2:13
And will blue. I was also kind of sad after the events. I almost wanted to go and give every one of the women a hug and let them know, you know, it's okay. You know, don't feel ashamed or embarrassed about these things. But also, don't wait so long to ask these questions. But that's the problem we don't know who to go to when these things come up. And who can we go to and not feel judged? I think enough with our sex or you know, our sex lives, that intimate side of us. There's enough shame and embarrassment, so many unknowns, and we just don't want to get judged by somebody. Do you see that? When people coming to you messy as they work with you?
Misty Smith 2:56
Absolutely. It's it's very interesting with the empowering, not devaluing. But you have to understand how to value yourself as a sexual person and how to value that part of your life. Otherwise you do, it becomes either a tool, or it becomes something you you just do. Because you're told that's what you should do. Or you avoid it, avoid talking about it, potentially avoid doing it. Because it's the it is this thing that may be due to childhood trauma or the way that just the way that you're brought up and what you're taught about sex, that it's that it's not a good thing, that it's something that you should feel shame for or embarrassment about. So, you know, shame and embarrassment, not the same thing. And I might, you know, trip and fall and feel embarrassed. And you know, hope nobody saw, but I don't have shame around that. But with sex, oftentimes there is this this, like, cloud of shame that people are taught to have about around doing it, having it and then there's also the embarrassment of like, oh, I don't want to talk about my sex life to people. I don't want people to know that I have sex even if I've got 10 kids, like we're not going to talk about sex, what? We don't do that. And it so I think that you know, really taking control of who you are as a sexual person understanding why you have the beliefs you have and how to turn those potentially unhealthy beliefs into healthy ones. helps you feel empowered, as a person, as a woman and use that. Use that empowerment in a positive way, and not feel this need to either use or hide or know what another word I'm feeling is but use or hide that that sexual part of you for things that that don't make you feel that don't leave you feeling good.
Jessica Weaver 5:19
Yeah, I would say even avoid. We see that happening a lot with people with their money. There's something that they're embarrassed about a mistake, even though they didn't purposely make a mistake. They just didn't know any different or the plan didn't work, it wasn't them. And then they'll avoid it or brings up too painful of a memory. I'm curious about, we talked a lot last night, the environments we grew up around, the households. Was sex talked about very similar to money or money talked about. Donna what was your household like growing up?
Donna Cates 5:56
Well, I will tell you that we had we had an affectionate family, we were huggers. And that's me as I mean, I can tell you today that if my spouse wasn't into hugging, much less more than that we would not be and because I can't function without that human, you know, touch. But growing up. You know, we my parents were affectionate, but they weren't blatantly sexual in front of us. I can remember us having the sex talk. But it was, it wasn't an intimate conversation we actually used and this is going to date me. We actually use the encyclopedia for pictures. But yeah, it was definitely, I think it was age 14 ish, when so maybe earlier than some but but you know, we we had the conversation and I knew what we were supposed to do and what we weren't supposed to do. But yeah, that that was about it.
Jessica Weaver 6:58
I remember my mom telling me when she my brothers two years older than me, and she had the conversation with him. And I can't tell you how old he was. He was pretty young though. And they're waiting in line at McDonald's. And he's processing it. Right? And then all of a sudden, and he goes looks at my mom and goes- Does that mean you and dad did that to have me? Of couse , honey thats what you do when you're in love and to have babies.
Misty Smith 7:29
Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yes. It's very interesting at what that sex talk looks like for people. Because that as I described last night, I mean, my sex talk came with, you know, an illustrated Bible.
Jessica Weaver 7:47
Similar to an ecyclopedia but now lets add but now let's add some religious guilt to it.
Misty Smith 7:52
Yes, definitely. Because that helps us so much. So it but that is oftentimes what it is. It's either the encyclopedia version, or the illustrated Bible version, or just nothing. Because parents don't know how to talk to their kids about sex because they in fact, themselves don't talk about sex. And when you like you said earlier, Jessica, if it's if they don't know how to talk about it, how in the world, are you supposed to talk to your children about it? So
Jessica Weaver 8:29
That conversation, my kids aren't there yet, but I, you're right, how do you approach it? And how do you do it where you're educating and respecting the person without promoting it? Right, protecting the kid versus promoting go off have sex with whoever you want to? That's a balancing act I would guess.
Misty Smith 8:53
It is, and I think it comes, well, again, many times it really starts with the you understanding your own attitudes around sex and your beliefs about sex. And, and then also understanding that just because your child is your child, and you get to control decisions, for a period of their life, that at some point, they actually get to make those decisions for themselves. And it becomes a hard I feel like it's a hard transition for parents oftentimes, because, I mean, do I want my 15 or 16 year old to go off and start having sex? No, because the chances of that person she has sex with being a long term relationship or being a meaningful relationship is so slim. And there is so much emotionally that attaches with women, oftentimes and sex that you you know, until you really understand your own self and what sex is and what it's about, you are just adding so much potential emotional trauma to your life with every person you have sex with when you are, I mean, our brains do not, do not fully develop until we're around 25. So if you consider starting to engage in sexual relationships with people 10 years before your brain is even fully developed. That's a lot. That's a lot of
Jessica Weaver 10:29
Big difference.
Misty Smith 10:31
Yes. So my position with my kids is really always been, you know, do I think you're going to wait until you're married? Probably not. Do I think you're gonna wait until you're 25? Probably not. But you know, use caution. And when you don't, when you don't know, I want you to be able to come and talk to me about it. Because pregnancy happens, STDs happen. Here's what all of that means. Here's how those things happen. And it's but those conversations come relatively easy to me, because that talk about sex, because I'm comfortable talking about it. And that for my mom, who never mentioned it, and like you said Donna, I mean, my parents, I would see them kiss, I would see them hug their door was always locked on Sundays. And I didn't know what that meant. But it was. But as I got older, I knew what that meant. And but they didn't talk about anything. There was never a conversation about sex after that, that, you know, biblical illustrated conversation at age seven. Like there wasn't a hey, are you thinking about this? Hey, what have you thought because the assumption was that, that I would just not, because they had filled my head with so much guilt, that I would make that choice to do the same as them. But they also got married at 17 and 19. They didn't have to wait that long. So I didn't get married until I was 26.
Yeah thats very different than waiting until your 20s or 30s to get married.
Yes. So it's, I think getting comfortable with talking about sex requires you to first delve into why you might not be comfortable talking about it. And once you can figure those things out, your conversation with your children, and others is going to be a much different kind of situation.
Donna Cates 12:30
I want to jump in and say this because yeah, as you're talking Misty, I think I've always said this, and I feel like 100% I think we can all benefit from having a counseling relationship. Because we need somebody with the skill set to help us deal with the emotional stuff. But I can probably say that the majority of people have never thought about working with a counselor, slash therapist, you know doctor, whatever, that focuses on sex therapy. I mean, unless there is an issue like porn addiction, or, you know, sexual assault, or betrayal or that type of thing. But, but I'm hearing that we all would benefit from having a conversation around this. So I just wanted to share that. I think that would be and I just before today, I mean, I know the work that you do, but I've never it never occurred to me that maybe that's something I do need to do, or would benefit from, right?
Jessica Weaver 13:45
Thats a great point Donna. And that's exactly what we experienced last night, these women sitting on these questions for years, months, maybe their entire life and not having the right place to bring them up. 100% So we have a treat. So anybody who's watching and listening to this, you can watch the replay of our of our sex event last night. We'll have the link for you. You can jump on and see because a lot of questions that we probably have been on your mind for a while that it's gonna resonate with you. Jump on and grab it, but 100% Donna yeah, having that sort of relationship and not just having talking with your girlfriends about it and hoping you're not being judged or whispered about behind the scenes or getting the wrong advice. The wrong input?
Misty Smith 14:35
Yes, well, and we have I mean, so I have a friend who has been my friend since I was pregnant with my daughter. So she's over 16 years now. And we the concept of discussing sex with her in the beginning was she would turn 1000 shades of red and she's five years older than me. So she just was never comfortable with it. And still to this day, it is one of those things she's kind of like warmed up to having some discussions. And sometimes she will talk about things a little more, a little more sensitive with me if there's no one else around. But still, that idea of just being able to have somebody to go to and ask questions is, it is difficult because you don't necessarily I mean, if you, if you know that there's supposed to be some pleasure aspect to sex, but you're unsure, because you've never had it. You never had it happen. Maybe you're not sure. Maybe you just think this is it? And then you don't have anybody to go to and ask, Hey, what, what does this? What is this actually supposed to feel like? What is supposed to happen? And hey, what if that's not happening during intercourse, because by the way, for most women, it doesn't. And with, with a lot of people, they just have, they have that information that comes in from various sources. And they that that builds their knowledge base if they don't have a parent, or, you know, a confidant that they go to when they're younger, and it becomes sexist for the man, and pleasures for the man. And this is what I'm supposed to do. Because I'm the wife and we're doing a little bit of stereotyping here or some assumptive statements, but it's it is, then you have women who just don't like sex because they've been in a marriage for years and years and years where really and truly, it's not that pleasurable, pleasurable of an experience.
Jessica Weaver 16:53
Yes, I feel Hollywood too has created in our mind that if I'm not, and there's a lot of pressure on the, the female or one of the partners, pleasuring him, he's gonna go and cheat. So now we have this huge fear on top of that, I need to really show up and perform and do my duty as a wife, as well. Right? The piece for me, I feel growing up was always, you know, don't wear too short of a skirt. Don't wear that bikini, because you're going to draw the wrong attention, or men are going to look at you in a sexual way. And that even to this day, I get very uncomfortable wearing certain things. And when men look at me, like, how are they looking at me and I feel as women, that's the start of us shying away from that, you know, our inner sexual power and being as well, that's always been ingrained in me. So how can women kind of overcome that and embrace you know, there's what makes them sexual instead of trying to avoid it or hide it in a closet? Behind closed doors?
Misty Smith 18:02
Well, I think there are a lot of different ways for women to embrace it, that that sexual part of them my daughter, and I have this discussion because I'm like, Okay, what if I taught you recently I said this because she was trying on dresses for an event. And she said, I can show off my boobs or I can show off my legs, but I can't show off both. And like, exactly, so because she she is a very well endowed child. And she is shapely. And she is like, so we also had an incident at school where she was she was feeling really uncomfortable with a guy checking out her breasts. And she said, it makes me so uncomfortable. And I said, Okay, I was like, What are you wearing? And she was like, well, this shirt. I said, Okay, does it show off your breasts? She was like, Yeah, I said, Okay. I mean, what do you think he's going to look at? They are a beautiful part of you a beautiful part of you being a woman. And if you are going to wear something like that, then people are going to look, I don't think that you should stop wearing that, if that's what you want to wear. I think that you just need to understand that if you are going to be showing off this sexual part of you in a way that I mean, it's like I don't want her to go to school looking like a nun if she doesn't want to, but there going to be cases where people are going to look, I mean, obviously you can't punch him in the nose because that's not appropriate for school. But it's it is like be who be who you are, love who you are. And if you don't like that part of you, then let's address your wardrobe change but if you love that part of you, then be okay with that. That that, but that is going to draw attention because men are attracted to beautiful women and sexual parts of women. But that doesn't just have never felt good about saying that means we should hide ourselves. Yes, it just means that we need to be comfortable with ourselves as a sexual person, as a woman, and choose what we want. What we want to show off, what we don't, and how we want to carry ourselves when we are.
Jessica Weaver 20:32
Yes, that's beautifully said. And yeah, being comfortable with our bodies, accepting our bodies, loving our bodies, and being good with showing up in the world wearing certain things, a certain way.
Misty Smith 20:48
Right? And it is, it is an interesting world to navigate with, I think, like, what you know, what bathing suit, do you wear? What skirt do wear, is it too short? Is it this, but also that comes back to the empowering versus devaluing, if I'm wearing this thing, because I feel confident in this thing, because I feel good about what I look like in this thing, then I'm not wearing it because I feel like I need to use my body to get something. I'm not devaluing myself in that moment. So I think really understanding motive behind why you put on what you put on, and why it makes you feel confident. And are you using that to get something because you feel like you need to? Or are you wearing that because that, in fact, actually gives you more confidence to walk into a room and stand there and speak to a group of people or, you know, offer to provide a service of, hey, I want to handle your money. I want to be your therapist, I want to you know, whatever it is that if we if we can manage to really understand who we are as a sexual person, that becomes so much easier.
Jessica Weaver 22:05
Yes, I love what you just said there Misty, and maybe to growing up and working in a very male dominated industry like the financial industry. I remember I worked with my father. And one of the advisors, I was wearing a V cut sweater nothing was showing I'm not big chested I have very small boobs, so nothing was showing. And he looked at me he's like, you can't wear a shirt like that. And he made me feel so bad about wearing what was a J Crew sweater right, J Crew is pretty modest. So sometimes women do that to each other as well. But it like if you feel good in it, you should wear that, you should show up in that. Yeah, I want to switch gears a little bit here and talk with Donna about the divorce and women, women going through a divorce or they're thinking about going through a divorce. And what they've been dealing with. I love for Donna and Misty to both talk on this point, what they're going through, as they're coming up to the divorce, in the divorce, after the divorce and say kind of reignite this piece of them that might have been kind of cooled off for too long.
Donna Cates 23:23
Absolutely well, and I will tell you this, that when women come into my world about divorce, you know, normally, it's because they don't know what they need to know. And with the workshops that we offer, we actually talk about the emotional issues of divorce, how to take good care of yourself and your children while you're processing and making those those tough decisions. And it even applies when they these women have grown children, you know, they oftentimes they think this is only going to matter to the young children, but it impacts the entire family. But we talk about that. And then we talk about the legal issues, and then also the financial issues. And in what we discover is that, you know, women just there's so many things that they don't know and they're stuffing so many emotions, and and we're talking about like money issues. And if they're not talking about money issues, they're probably not talking about sexual stuff either or that intimacy. So if you don't have if you don't have enough intimacy in your marriage, that you can actually talk about money too, that's just going to create a lot of havoc. And when I'm talking with women about understanding their financial position, while they're considering whether or not to divorce, and what assets they may end up with post divorce. You know, if they if they say no, I don't have any of that information. I'm going okay, so do we ask to have access to the information, do I mean, because we're entitled to it, you know, why do we not have it? Is it by choice or like, we're just totally disengaged. Or, you know, how do we rectify that situation so that we're not in the blind when it comes to how the the household assets are being managed? How do you have a conversation with your spouse, or potentially soon to be ex spouse about all the money so that you can even have the discussion and make smart decisions about that process? So it opens up a huge can of worms, from an emotional standpoint, as far as as well as just the psychological dealing with what you don't know.
Jessica Weaver 25:49
Yes, you're saying there's emotions in divorce, Donna?
Donna Cates 25:52
Oh, absolutely. Just a little bit. And it's a rollercoaster ride,
Jessica Weaver 25:57
I could just imagine all those emotions could paralyze you or make you want to avoid these tough conversations. But that's exactly why they have you, why they have Misty, to keep that momentum moving forward, so that they can get to that destination that they've been craving that they know that they're worthy of and they deserve to have as well. What do you see Misty with women going through a divorce? Or now they're gonna have, you know, a potential new partner in the bedroom? That could be overwhelming in itself.
Misty Smith 26:33
Yes, definitely. Because, especially oftentimes, unfortunately, the sexual relationship in a marriage has been something that probably it impacted the fact that they are getting a divorce. Now, why, and the reasons are so vast, but it definitely has a tendency to be something that they've struggled with. Now, there's the potential for somebody to have had a partner who wanted didn't want to have sex with them anymore. A partner who cheated on them. So what, what wasn't? What wasn't good about me? What wasn't enough about me? Last night, when we did the meditation there was that, that you know, you are worthy. You are, you are okay, you are good. And that is often not the feeling that people have, when they are leaving a marriage. It is , I'm not okay. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. I'm not the person they wanted, I'm either not the person they wanted to have sex with and we've just had a sexless marriage. I'm not the person they wanted to be with and they've cheated or I'm not ever good enough, because we have this perpetual argument about sex. So those are, those are kind of three common themes, if we're talking about, you know, women, and in the divorce process. And so I think it's important that they they do get counseling for the many, many things that Donna mentioned, that come with divorce and the emotional pieces that go with children and divorce. But then you've got and then, and then you add in the children, and you know, what does the visitation look like? How do you date? When do you start having intimate interactions with a new partner? And how much of that do your kids see? And when do your kids see that? And so it becomes this slew of questions for for women on what is okay and what is not okay. It's one thing when dad's going to date, but it's a whole different situation when mom's going to date. And when mom has a sleepover, that's a whole lot different than when dad has a sleepover. And because the perception is oftentimes by the children is that mom is Mom is mom, like dad is a man, but Mom is just mom. And so then you have to navigate the feelings that go around how do you help your kids understand that you are still also a sexual person, a relational person, like just because this didn't work out doesn't mean that there won't be somebody else in the future. Now, how much you show your kids, how much you don't, that that varies from person to person and ages of children and situations. But when women fight for these custody situations where they only have like every other weekend. What if you realize when you step outside of this marriage, that you are actually a sexual person that you did do in fact, like sex, and that you do actually want to explore that part of you in a different way. But now you only have like two nights every other week to even attempt to date somebody or get to know somebody. So there's Yeah, so there, there are a few things that go with divorce and women and intimacy. And also getting the like, you know, people, a lot of women get divorced in that 10 to 15 year range, women, men, everybody, but it's it is the, like, after 10 or 15 years with one partner, you have settled into this, this routine of either, this is how I get what I want, sexually. I don't ever get what I want sexually, because it's not about me. I don't really know how to talk about what I want, because maybe we got together when we were really young, and it just happened. And so now I don't even know how to describe the things that I like and enjoy in a sexual relationship. Learning how to express that to someone and understanding what you want, like Donna said, if her if her husband, were not a physical touch person, were not a hugging person like that that doesn't work for that wouldn't work for her. I know that I had dated somebody who was extremely physical touch for the first few months. And then all of a sudden, it stopped and I was like, what, what? What's up, I mean, no more, no more holding hands, no more rubbing, no more touching, no more putting your hand on my leg in the car. And I was so confused. And I was like, Okay, I feel like I've been duped. This is not like, this is not what I signed up for. I don't do well, with no touch. I need a lot of touch. And knowing, learning that it is okay to actually want what you want, need what you need, and be able to ask for it and then being able to step away from a new relationship if that's, in fact, not what you're getting. Because maybe that I think that's the best thing that divorce, the divorce process and the counseling process through divorce needs to teach women is that you, you don't need to apologize for what you need. You don't need to back off from what you want. And if if in fact, you realize in a new relationship, that they're not capable of doing that they're not capable of giving you that, then it is okay to say it's been fun. And but we're not a good match. And that's okay. Because otherwise you that is that is I think how you end up with the divorce after divorce after divorce.
Jessica Weaver 32:54
You are repeating the same cycle or pattern from a previous marriage sex life and into the next one, sure. Yes, sure.
Donna Cates 33:05
And I will I will add that, because I know Misty personally through the, through this kind of process. I think women who don't take the time, post divorce to really learn about themselves and the role that they played in, in the the dissolution of their marriage, and literally getting in tune with what's important to them about everything, they do themselves a disservice because they do end up in the exact same type of relationships over and over and over. So that's what I applaud is that I know that that Misty and several other women that I know professionally, have walked that path and they've taken the time in it, you know, it might be six months for one person, it might be five to seven years for somebody else. But you have to take that path for yourself to know to know when you are in the right place for the next relationship. That's huge.
Jessica Weaver 34:13
Yes to value yourself enough to take that time. And something you said last night Misty that I would never have thought when it comes to having, you know, an empowering sex life. We'll call our intimate life. You said you women tend to have more confidence and like yep, okay, that makes sense. I could see women showing up differently. I know what I want. I think just being able to communicate that, is the confidence right there. Right? But you said stability and as we're talking through you know, going through the divorce and not repeating you know, kind of holding your tongue just putting all the pleasure on your partner. But actually going forward with what do you want to explore in that communicating it? Now I can see where you that stability in your sex life and not having these crazy peaks and then these dry spouts but consistently showing up and receiving that pleasure communicating it, stability like who would have thought, healthy sex life, but now it makes sense.
Misty Smith 35:14
I'm so happy. I said those words that really were interesting when they came to me because I wrote your questions down. And then I thought, okay, you know, it was this word and that word and but some of those like stability and comfort and independence and confidence, confidence is easy to say, yes, if I'm more aware of myself sexually, then I'm probably going to be more confident in many ways. But the others were a little surprising even to myself that it was, it just made so much sense to me in that moment. But at the same time, as I've gone through the divorce process, and had to explore what dating and intimate relationships actually look like, I really thought post marriage post divorce, that marriage would probably come a lot faster for me that I would probably end up married again, more quickly than I wanted to be even like that I didn't, I didn't necessarily trust myself to not jump into something completely. Because I'm a relationship person I love. I love having a partner, like I love being in a relationship that's healthy. And but what I found was getting to know myself even better, in a different way outside of, you know, a potentially unhealthy sexual situation that I those are the things that that came for me. And recently, not yesterday, this was not even when I was preparing for this, as I told somebody I said, you know, I think I'm actually really proud of myself. And they said, why? I was like, because I am into year five, post divorce and I'm not married, and I'm not engaged. And I'm in a healthy relationship. And I love him. And it's wonderful. But and maybe it will lead there. But I really didn't know, didn't know that I could provide the comfort, the stability, the independence, and all of those things for myself in a way that was like, that I would feel good about. And
Jessica Weaver 37:31
Feel so full about, yes, filling that hole with, you know, that next relationship, that next marriage.
Misty Smith 37:38
Yes. So I think that knowing yourself sexually, and being really confident in that piece, and also the financial was huge for me, I know, that's what you guys do. But that would have been when I exited in marriage, I mean, to not be confident, sexually, to not feel confident financially. Those are the two big things that made me get into a relationship probably quicker than I should. But understanding those two things better and not jumping into a marriage has put me in a position where now I'm like, No, I don't actually need to get married. I will get married when I want to get married. But I don't actually need that. So I can accomplish all of those things, without a partner in my life or married to me. So I would strongly believe in what you guys do and what I do as far as creating women who can be those four things.
Jessica Weaver 38:41
Financially empowered, sexually empowered. And it's a beautiful way for us to tie in our this episode of women behind the millions we have you brought the independence and knowing who you are, what you need sexually, financially. And something you mentioned last night that helps you avoid settling, but you're just going talking about avoiding settling, avoiding manipulative relationships, somebody having control over you, whether it's sexual control, financial control, emotional, physical, able to avoid those pieces. And that's what we want for all of our women is that to feel that independence in or out of a relationship. It doesn't matter having that independence on it. Any last thoughts Donna or Misty as we wrap up this episode?
Donna Cates 39:31
I want to say I'm compelled to say it's really imperative to understand that a man is not a financial plan. I didn't create those words, but I use them frequently. And that kind of wraps it all up. That a man is not a financial plan. And we're we're entitled to our own sexuality.
Jessica Weaver 39:58
Yes, amen to that, Donna. Very true, very true. How about you Misty?
Misty Smith 40:04
Yes, I just love that. That's great. I'm definitely using that in my sessions going forward. A man is not a financial plan, and man is not a sexual plan. And but I do think that when Donna said, you know, it's I think counseling is really important. I think people don't always think about going to therapy to talk about sex unless it's a problem. But then they don't always know what is the problem and what is not because the problems really are, are noticeable, primarily when it's a problem within a relationship. But if if everybody realized that if that, a therapist who's comfortable talking to you about sex and exploring just those conversations with you was as important as a financial planner is in life, then every woman would walk this world knowing that they don't have to settle, and that they can have all the confidence that they need. Yes
Jessica Weaver 41:06
Amen to that ladies. So very true. A man is not a financial plan, a sexual plan. We can be happy with them without them. But we need to get clear on what is our destination, right? What is our version of success in the boardroom in the bedroom in love life, family life as well. I'm so glad we're able to have both of you on women behind the millions. Donna, where can all of the listeners find you and then we'll get Mistys information too?
Donna Cates 41:35
Well, my business is money matters wealth solutions, and I have a website at MONEY MATTERS wealth.com. And also you can find me at navigating divorce.com for mediation work.
Jessica Weaver 41:51
Yes, she is a an amazing mediator as well, ladies and Misty, where can everybody find you? As we said that we had these triggers, right, any sort of trauma rejection, we have these triggers. And the problem with triggers they're so subconscious that we don't see them on a day to day level until the triggers hit and it sparks, so having resources like Donna like Misty, as you navigate and work through those triggers is so important.
Misty Smith 42:19
Yes, definitely. So well my practice is mind body and heart wellness clinic. So you can find me at MB H wellness clinic.com. And then I'm on Facebook and Twitter and all the random things. Usually it's something related to at Dr. Misty, and but that is our website. And we have plenty of practitioners to help. And actually I have brought on several people who are training in sex therapy to try to create many more options in the state for individuals who need to seek out that type of therapist.
Jessica Weaver 43:01
Oh, incredible. Thank you so much. And again, we will have the link so you can grab the recording from our event last night. We dove into so many more personal questions that the women were submitting anonymously we created that safe place for them so check out the recording it calls from the boardroom to the bedroom nice and spicy title for Thank you Donna. Thank you Missy for being on women behind the millions. Thank you to all of our listeners. We will see you on our next episode.